Forgotten Romance: Simple and Precise Descriptions

Alright, I'm going to write the perfect description, just you watch:

"She stood there, beautiful as the sky, elegant as the dawn, with eyes as green as the sea as they sparkled like fresh pearls. The wind, played with her hair like fingers on harp strings and she smiled as brightly as a child's first laugh. I was smitten."

I do hope you either laughed or rolled your eyes as you read. I don't know about you but my eyes and brain are exhausted. I whipped that up by drawing from some of the romances I've read. (Don't ask me how many I've read, I beg you.) The description doesn't read well. It snags your eye and you aren't given a true understanding of who the subject is or anything about her other than an exaggerated perception of her appearance. Chances are when you are giving a description, you are writing in the first person and therefore, you're sometimes giving your character's unrealistically clever talents in poetry.

The remedy? Simplify the descriptions, particularly when introducing characters for the first time. Often times we are overwhelmed in physical appearance when we first meet a new character because the author wants you to see an image of their character immediately. In my personal opinion, this is a mistake. When you first meet someone, I don't think you immediately start to analyze their appearance unless it is out of the ordinary. Especially if you are being introduced for a purpose. You have the purpose in mind and your thoughts are far from comparing the subject's eyes to some object in nature.

Simply put:

1. When introducing characters mention something that you, in reality, would naturally see if you meet someone, e.g. a twitch of the eye from nervous energy, a smile that surprises, a general gut feeling from the meeting

2. Add more description as it blends into your story or becomes important

Now an example, and a good one too!

Jane Austen expertly wielded this skill when she wrote Darcy's thoughts regarding Elizabeth Bennet. Instead of having the gentleman compare the ladies eyes to some element in nature she had him state an opinion on them and he called them "fine". In calling them "fine" it leaves you to imagine your own pair of fine eyes. By saying they are fine, it leaves the reader to place their taste in favor of the chosen character. Basically, providing a general image is better than envisioning this--

See? Who knew how bizarre eyes compared to gems could actually be? Hehehe ;D

Yours truly,
Cordy